How to Fail at Writing a Book…and everything else You Say You Want to Do

Photo by Trevor Cole on Unsplash

We talk and write endlessly about success and succeeding. Everybody, everywhere has an opinion on how we can achieve, succeed, and soar.

I read such books and blogs. I'm an avid documentary watcher because I'm naturally curious and, uh, unapologetically nosey. I simply must know what made people like Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Nina Simone, James Baldwin, Robert Johnson and Amy Winehouse persist until they became legends. 

​I'm also intrigued by failure. Why do gifted and talented people fail? Why do people insist that they're up to so and so, then invest massive amounts of time, energy and attention in everything BUT so and so? 

What's the path, uh, to failure? 

Well, I'm so glad you asked. I know, I know, you're probably thinking, "I didn't ask for any such thing! I already know how to fail. I've failed before, plenty of times." Okay, I got it. I invite you to be open. You just might learn something that will help you succeed. If you don't, pass this along to that friend who has been writing a book now for years! Maybe they'll learn something. 

OK, no more small talk, let's dive in!

How to Fail at Writing a Book and Everything Else...

• Never Commit - If you want to fail, never commit. Don't commit to writing that book, to getting in great shape, to learning French, to making your relationship work, to being a loving presence in the world, to living a life of adventure, to loving without conditions, to ANYTHING at ALL. Just wish, hope and pray everything that you desire will magically happen. Now wait and watch nothing happen. Oh, and make lots of excuses for why you're too busy to write, work out, spend quality time with Bae. But don't call them excuses, call them "reasons." 

• Scatter Your Energy - If you want to succeed, focus your energy and attention like a laser on what you desire to create. If, however, failing is your thing, scatter your energy. Spend lots of time on Facebook, Instagram and Hulu, because we all know how important it is to keep our "friends" in the loop about how we're eliminating toxic people from our lives. Every time you get an invite to a conference, party, church event, GO! Never, ever say "no" to family and friends' emergencies, because everybody knows that you're better than they are at putting out fires.  

• Let Resistance Win - "Resistance is the most toxic force on the planet. It is the root of more unhappiness than poverty, disease, and erectile dysfunction. To yield to Resistance deforms our spirit," writes author Steven Pressfield, in his groundbreaking book, The WAR of ART. Pressfield starts 37 chapters with the word "Resistance" because it's a clever little booger that engineers lots of failures. If you're bent on failing as a writer, mate, travel agent, musician, whatever, then the next time Resistance shows up as self-doubt, fear, excuses, busyiness, laziness, another workshop or class, invitation, I-don't-feel-like-it, self-sabotaging self-talk, give in to it. Yes, believe the BS Resistance is telling you and you're sure to succeed greatly at failing.  

• Do Not Persist - Here's a rather corny quote, but so spot on: Quitters never win and winners never quit. If you decide to fail at becoming an author, then start writing but quit just before you finish the manuscript. Or write the entire book, then allow fear of judgment keep you from publishing it. Or, write the book, hire an editor, but don't do the edits and rewrites suggested by the editor. In other words, if you enjoy failing don't pour your effort and energy into your book, project, workout, relationship for as long as needed. Nope, because then you will succeed. Instead, do just enough to get by. 

• Make Them Responsible - When we're in a happy, healthy relationship with a wonderful man or woman, we'll gladly accept some of the credit for the all that relationship success. Let that relationship tank, now that's all his or her fault. Now you know that's rubbish! And counter-productive. See, if we don't get honest about how we showed up in that relationship, it's not likely that we'll show up in the next relationship any wiser or healthier. The surest way to fail at absolute EVERYTHING is to avoid taking responsibility for our part in it. Why bother, when we can make everybody else responsible for our failures? 

• Don't Believe in Yourself - I know a very talented artist who is failing miserably. He produces beautiful art, but he never sells any of it. And he's not happy about that, so he spends his days comparing himself to and complaining about other artists who are killin' it. So sad. If you want to fail too, don't believe in yourself and the beauty of what you bring. Hope others will believe in you first, so you can finally start to believe in you. 

Failing is easier than succeeding, would you agree? Truth be told, we WILL sometimes fail. Shame and vulnerability researcher Brene' Brown says, "If you're brave with your life, you are going to know failure." I agree. Let me add this twist, if you're brave with your life, commit to something, focus your energy on it, regularly push through Resistance, persist, take 100% responsibility for yourself, and believe fiercely in you, you will also know SUCCESS. 

If you're tired of failing at writing that book, but you have lots of questions, now know you could benefit from some support,   
book a Birth Your Book Consult ​​with me. At the moment just $97!